Translator: Dj2203
Editor: Dj2203
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People say that first love always leaves a deep impression.
And for someone like Yan Han, who waited over twenty years for his first love… it’s no exaggeration to say that even though his memory isn’t as good as Lin Jianlu’s, he felt that even if the world were to collapse and everything were to change, he would always remember the scene before and after Lin Jianlu’s confession, and the words he said.
At that time, Lin Jianlu first asked him if he had feelings for Wei Ningxin.
Afraid of revealing his sexual orientation, he cowardly used a bunch of excuses to change the subject, saying things like, “I can’t even reveal my gender, how can I have time to think about whether I like someone or not?” He really made up quite a few explanations.
Then Lin Jianlu cornered him, kissed him, and asked, “I was just asking you, besides Wei Ningxin… if it were someone who already knows your gender and wouldn’t affect your studies, would that be okay?”
Yan Han was completely stunned by Lin Jianlu’s confession. His thoughts afterwards revolved around him. As for Wei Ningxin… he’d never considered him a potential boyfriend, and since Lin Jianlu hadn’t mentioned him again, he’d simply forgotten about him.
But now, analyzing the context… it seemed like the impression he wasn’t dating Wei Ningxin was simply because the latter didn’t know his true gender.
Because in others’ eyes, even his gender was a lie, he wouldn’t even consider dating anyone else.
And based on this premise, further development led to… him being with Lin Jianlu entirely because the latter knew all his secrets…
Yan Han thought, wasn’t this misunderstanding a bit too much?
Although he’d never thought that way, Lin Jianlu… seemed to always think that way?
Lin Jianlu’s usually handsome, willow-leaf-shaped eyebrows were now tightly furrowed. His sharp eyes were fixed on Yan Han, seemingly determined not to miss a single move or even the slightest change in expression.
This man, who could always maintain perfect composure, was now completely tense. Even from a step away, Yan Han could feel his tension. Speechless, Yan Han quickly said, “How could that be? How could I possibly like him?”
Despite his tense expression, Lin Jianlu’s face remained expressionless.
But upon hearing Yan Han’s words, his tightly furrowed brows definitely relaxed, as if he had breathed a sigh of relief…
Well, it had to be said, the change was quite noticeable.
Rarely seeing Lin Jianlu like this, Yan Han was exasperated: “What are you thinking? I’m already with you, how could I possibly like someone else?”
“I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant,” Lin Jianlu apologized sincerely.
Perhaps thinking Yan Han was angry, his brows, which had just relaxed, furrowed again. He explained earnestly, “I know that since you’re with me, you must have thought it through and will be responsible for our relationship…”
“Hmm, since you know all that, why do you still feel that I like Wei Ningxin?”
Yan Han hadn’t wanted to dwell on the misunderstanding with Lin Jianlu because he hadn’t explained things clearly before.
But since the matter had come to this point, he couldn’t leave it unasked. After all, he was still somewhat annoyed that Lin Jianlu hadn’t understood his feelings, and also because Lin Jianlu seemed not to understand him at all.
Unexpectedly, Lin Jianlu fell silent again in response to this question.
He remained silent, and Yan Han didn’t urge him, just standing face to face until Lin Jianlu could find the words to describe his feelings.
Yan Han was usually an impatient person, but he subconsciously maintained his patience only when facing Lin Jianlu.
Firstly, Lin Jianlu’s thinking was different from most people; he always needed more time when it came to matters of the heart.
Secondly, Yan Han didn’t have much experience in dating, but he knew that communication was the key to maintaining a relationship. If two people talked things out, most problems could be resolved.
So he was willing to wait.
After a while, Lin Jianlu finally thought things through and put them into words: “I know you wouldn’t like someone else and agree to be with me at the same time. I’ve never thought of you in that direction.”
“Hmm,” Yan Han thought to himself, glad he understood. He then crossed his arms, signaling him to continue.
“But sometimes I can’t help but wonder, what would the situation be like if I weren’t the one who knew your secret?” After Lin Jianlu finished speaking, a look of melancholy appeared on his usually expressionless face.
Yan Han: “…”
“I like you, and I can give you a thousand, ten thousand reasons why I like you.” Lin Jianlu said with a melancholy expression, his voice slightly hoarse but still pleasant, “But what do you like about me?… You’ve never said it.”
“…” Yan Han was stunned: “I haven’t said it?”
“So sometimes I wonder if it’s because I also happen to have a system, and happen to know your secret, that I’m special to you, which is why you accepted me.”
Lin Jianlu didn’t respond to his question, but instead said with a bitter smile:
“Sometimes I wonder if you would still be with me if these preconditions didn’t exist?”
Yan Han: “…”
Forgive him, but he had never noticed… that Brother Lin had such a sentimental side!
“I’m sorry, I’m a selfish person.”
While Yan Han was stunned, Lin Jianlu continued: “At first, I just hoped you would be with me, and I didn’t ask for anything else as long as you were with me. But after we got together, I couldn’t help but want more, to know if you truly liked me from the bottom of your heart, to know…”
Hmm, not only sentimental, but these words even sounded a bit inferior.
Perhaps because Lin Jianlu rarely showed this side of himself, Yan Han couldn’t care less about anything else at this moment. And he couldn’t help but say, “Of course I like you.”
His words cut off everything Lin Jianlu was about to say. Yan Han then said matter-of-factly, “I’m with you not because you’re the only one who knows my secret. If that were the only reason, theoretically, Li Hongqing should be the first to know my gender.”
Lin Jianlu: “…”
The moment the words left his mouth, Yan Han’s anger flared even more: “Yeah, that’s right, I’m naturally attracted to men. But if anyone could… then you wouldn’t be my first love.”
….
!!!
From the moment Lin Jianlu heard the word “like” uttered by Yan Han, his tightly furrowed brows gradually relaxed. When he heard the words “first love,” not only did his brows unfurrow, but even his tightly pursed lips relaxed!
His lips also curved into an arc; yes, Lin Jianlu was smiling.
Startled by this sudden smile, Yan Han momentarily forgot his earlier anger and continued, “As for why I like you…”
As he spoke, he stopped crossing his arms and instead scratched his head rather inelegantly with one hand. “I’m not as smart as you, able to summarize everything. Besides your good looks, great figure, good grades, and kindness to me, I don’t think there’s much else I can say. But I just know I like you.”
The more he spoke, the less he knew how to describe the feeling. Yan Han felt a pang of unease, and finally pointed to Lin Jianlu’s left chest: “Anyway, this part of me is telling me that no one in this world is more to my liking than you…”
His finger pressed against the other’s somewhat hard ribs and pectoral muscles. Before Lin Jianlu could speak, Yan Han awkwardly tried to pull his hand back.
But Lin Jianlu caught it first and placed it in his own palm.
Looking at him with warm, smiling eyes, Yan Han felt even more embarrassed.
—He must have caught Lin Jianlu’s charm; otherwise, how could he say so many cheesy things in broad daylight?!
What’s with all this talk of liking… In his older brother’s heart, living life is always the most practical thing. Saying “I like you” a hundred times isn’t as important as spending a day together. Words are always the most unreliable thing.
But he just said it anyway, and even explained his feelings to him…
As if the heavens were going against him, Yan Han was just feeling embarrassed about this when Lin Jianlu, who was holding his hand tightly, said, “You said you like me.”
Yan Han: “…”
“This is the first time you’ve said you like me.”
Yan Han: “Okay, okay, okay, shut up!”
His face turned red to the roots of his ears. The older brother thought that Lin Jianlu’s self-description, like a trapped beast, must have bewitched him, which was why he said such a long string of things about liking someone just to comfort him.
He didn’t want to admit he was shy, but Yan Ge was too embarrassed to speak. Finally, he could only say firmly, “You know this yourself, and that’s it. Don’t mention it again! Understand?”
“Okay.”
Lin Jianlu’s forced smile turned into a relaxed one. From the moment Yan Han said he liked him, it was as if the rain had stopped and the sun had suddenly broken through the clouds. Everything else, everyone and everything else, was unimportant. Only an inexplicable emotion surged through his chest— he liked this person.
He really liked this person.
He would do anything to make this person happy…
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