Lu Rong wanted to praise Lao Wang as the king of kebabs and wanted to try to make him a charlatan. His plan was that when people went to his stall to buy small fish cakes, they could pick up one of his oracles.
Lu Rong had done some research on the magic stick persona and planned to do it like this: make a statistical analysis of the problems faced by all middle and high school students in their growth process, and give standardized chicken soup answers, and then let Lao Wang from the Chinese Department polish it himself. The simple and detailed answers must be confusing, dream-like, false but true, and mystifying. This was basically the routine of street fortune-telling. Then he would ask Li Nan to make a hype, saying that the guy selling small fish cakes at the school gate was very mysterious. He was an outsider who could inspire love and save points in exams. Compared with other skewer sellers, Lao Wang would have one more feature, which would be the core competitive point – a life mentor who lived in seclusion.
Lu Rong’s initial idea was this, and he also wanted to learn from senior goddesses like the fujoshi to find out whether there was any undisclosed secret method operating behind the scenes in their world of magic sticks. He was just researching on how to be a charlatan, but the rotten girl… After personal experience, Lu Rong felt that she really belonged to the world of metaphysics.
Lu Rong: “How did you analyze our emotional trends? I’m very curious.”
The fujoshi smiled mysteriously: “The first thing is observation. There will be a special aura between the CPs in the crowd, and you can lock on it with just a little attention.”
Lu Rong: “If I remember correctly, I had no interaction or contact with him on campus.”
The fujoshi laughed and said, “Who are you talking about.”
Lu Rong: “…That person.”
The fujoshi raised her eyebrows and slapped the table: “Tell me clearly, who are you talking about?!”
Lu Rong held up his forehead: “…my husband.”
The fujoshi felt comfortable now: “At first, I was just being a blind sniper. You know, Mom loves you the most. The most handsome boy has come to our school. Mom must leave him to you to form CP.”
Lu Rong: “Thank you very much.”
Fujoshi: “But I became sure the next day that I had blindly spotted a real marriage. Ji Wenfeng always went upstairs from our second teaching building after doing exercises and pretended to look at you casually when passing by. I also watched carefully and observed his body rotation movements, and he was always looking at you when he turns around.”
Lu Rong: “Class 1 is ahead of us in doing exercises. In order to observe him, you must have turned your body behind your back during body rotation movements – This is the reason why our class’s gymnastics score was deducted by 30 points this week. It turns out that the culprit is you.”
Fujoshi: “Is this the only thing you thought after hearing my words?”
Lu Rong: “…He is so perverted.”
Fujoshi smiled: “He sometimes stands in the corridor of Class 1 and looks at you from a distance.”
Lu Rong: “It’s so scary.” What exactly made Ji Wenfeng so persistent.
Fujoshi: “It’s love.”
Lu Rong: “…”
He always felt that the fujoshi could hear the words in his heart. Because of this, he once suspected that fujoshi was his soul mate.
Fujoshi: “As long as you have studied CPs, you will find that CP’s interaction modes are nothing more than these. Just observe a little bit about the locked CP in reality, and you can identify their interaction modes: being attacked by a scumbag, being attacked by a stupid person, being attacked by a tsundere, being attacked by a yandere, being stupid and unhappy, falling in love and killing each other, having a two-way secret love, being reunited, being a substitute, being a childhood sweetheart, having a sadistic relationship with a wealthy family thrown in the mix, being a happy enemy, strong, having children young, having a soft spot for each other, a strange combination of circumstances, the seven-year itch…”
Lu Rong: “Are you reciting the name of the dishes?”
Fujoshi: “I am reciting the labels of Jinjiang Danmei.”
Lu Rong: “What kind of type are we?”
Lu Rong: “…We are still very perverted.”
Fujoshi: “Your type is a bit complicated. You are pretending to be a pig and eating the tiger. Your husband has just fallen in love and hasn’t realized how much black water is in your belly, so you can eat him to death. The type of interaction you have is this: On the surface, your husband is the master of the family, and you are just a weak, innocent and pitiful child bride; in fact, your husband says he doesn’t want you but his body is very honest and is a crazy doting wife devil.”
The fujoshi became more and more excited as she talked: “After analyzing your behavioral patterns, it will be very easy to predict your behavior. He had an affair with someone else last week, and you must have gone through a bloody quarrel-reconciliation-quarrel-reconciliation- argue-reconciliation -reach a consensus. You must have said that you want to make your relationship public. But considering your cautious and low-key personality, you will avoid publicly admitting that he is your husband, so you need a layer of publicity that is also appropriate and is still a close relationship.”
Lu Rong: “…”
She said it as if she was at the scene at the time.
While showing off, the fujoshi didn’t forget to warn him: “When he passes this period of passionate love where he sees you with zero IQ, he will turn into a ghost. Sooner or later, he will learn your true face, so keep everything in mind and don’t play him too cruelly or be careful of him retaliating madly.”
Lu Rong put his fingers into a pyramid shape, pondered for a long time, and took out a pen and paper: “I have figured out your routine. Observe a pair of CPs and explore their behavior patterns. Damn it. Your rich experience predicts their reaction when encountering small events, and it is accurate nine times out of ten. And CP type determines fate. To a certain extent, you can also predict their future.”
The fujoshi shook her hair: “That’s right. I’m a prophet of emotions.”
Lu Rong felt that Lao Wang couldn’t do this. This required him to be immersed in a field for many years and have a large amount of knowledge reserves and practical experience, just like the fujoshi immersed in the world of danmei.
The plan ran aground, Lu Rong was upset, and then he turned his attention to the fujoshi.
Maybe…he could use this living god?
Lu Rong: “Show me your essay.”
Fujoshi: “W-what are you talking about! I don’t write essays about people!”
Lu Rong: “…” Why did she have to be shy in strange places.
Lu Rong: “Didn’t you package Ling Ren x Fang Chang’s article and send it to my QQ?”
Fujoshi: “When I was doing Amway CP, I posted p**nographic articles like crazy, but when Amway items really got into the circle, it became a bit censorious. There’s the horse’s shame.”
Lu Rong pretended to sigh: “Listen, I think you are right. My husband will go crazy on me one day. I want to see how people in the Danmei world deal with such situations, so that I can be mentally prepared.”
The fujoshi held his hands and said, “There are not many people who are willing to read abuse articles these days!”
She sorted out her articles and threw them to him.
In order to enhance Lu Rong’s reading experience, the fujoshi used search and replace to change the attacking party to Ji Wenfeng and the supporting one to Lu Rong.
Lu Rong endured the discomfort and watched the whip-drying wax play, crossed the gate of the new world of boys and men, and deeply inspected the writing skills of the fujoshi. The fujoshi was fully capable of writing love quotes that would last through the ages. It would be very popular if her famous sayings about love were printed on a napkin. Doing this would also prevent Lao Wang from being distracted when frying the skewers, killing two birds with one stone.
The only problem was…
Fujoshi: “Why don’t you go to eat, Zai?”
Lu Rong lay down on his seat: “I can’t eat.”
Fujoshi: “Are you sick? Do you want to go find your husband…”
Lu Rong: “No——!”
After watching all kinds of Ji Wenfeng x Lu Rong in 100mm, she seemed to have become addicted to mentioning Ji Wenfeng.
It just so happened that Class 1 planned to go to a KTV party that night as a celebration for Ji Wenfeng’s transfer to their school and his appointment as class president. Ji Wenfeng sent a WeChat message to Lu Rong, saying that he could not go home with him at night.
Ji Wenfeng: “But don’t think about going to the bar, I’ll ask Old Song to pick you up.”
Lu Rong: “Okay.”
Lu Rong exited the chat interface with Ji Wenfeng and clicked on Old Song’s chat interface: “There is no need to come over tonight.”
Old Song: “But the young master said…”
Lu Rong: “Don’t make me repeat it a second time.”
Old Song: “…Yes.”
Old Song put the phone aside, took off the brim of his hat, drove the Bentley out of the school district, and slipped into the depths of this glamorous city.
Being a driver of a wealthy family was just like being an official in the municipal party committee. You need to know when to stand in line at critical moments.
If you want to ask whose side Old Song was on? There was no doubt that he was with the young master. The young master would always be the winner.
Because when a man faces his wife, he also loses when he wins, and he also loses when he loses. There was no future in following the eldest young master.
Lu Rong dismissed Ji Wenfeng and freed up the whole night. He tapped the shoulder of the fujoshi sitting in front of him and said, “Let’s go have a meal together tonight.”
The fujoshi turned back as if she had seen a ghost: “Are you serious?”
Lu Rong: “Of course.”
The fujoshi pretended to think about it for a moment, then said, “Well… if it’s just the two of us, it will feel like a date. If there is a third person, I will consider it.”
Lu Rong: “It’s a three-person dinner.”
The fujoshi turned back, clenched her small fists excitedly and shouted “yeah”, she was very happy. Zaizai finally wanted to show his husband to Mommy~
Lu Rong didn’t care about the little things in the fujoshi’s heart, he just skipped class and went to make an appointment with Lao Wang.
Lao Wang was still dressed in the ugly uncle costume. White T-shirt, baggy shorts, flip-flops, and a cigarette behind his ear.
He had tried his best to fix his hair with gel water, but his hair was too thin and could only create the effect of four sides supporting the center.
Lu Rong put himself into the psychology of an ordinary consumer and determined that he would never want to buy fried food at the stall of such a greasy, fat, pot-bellied uncle, which further strengthened his determination to do a thorough image design for Lao Wang.
He waved: “Follow me.”
The two of them went to the barber shop where he and Ji Wenfeng had their hair done when Ji Tong and Fang Qing were getting married.
The hair-washing boy was quite impressed by Lu Rong last time. Last time, this brother brought a handsome boy to wash his hair, then he rolled up his sleeves and became a hair-washing boy himself without saying a word. Afterwards, all the hair wash boys in the store held a meeting about the incident, and they all agreed that he was extremely skilled and was most likely here to cause trouble and humiliate them. If Ji Wenfeng hadn’t paid as usual in the end, they would have put Lu Rong on the list of banned customers for life.
The hair-washing boy smiled in a business-like manner: “Hey, are you here to get your hair washed?”
Lu Rong took out a flyer from his hand that said “Mid-year store celebration, amazing 20% off” and looked at Lao Wang: “He wants to wash it.”
Lao Wang: “…”
The hair-washing boy suddenly thought: “Oh. There is space inside, you can go in.” He continued to stand in front of the door and hand out coupons.
Lu Rong: “…you wash for him.”
The shampoo guy: “Oh! I’m sorry! I thought you were going to wash for him yourself – Tony, please treat him!”
Lao Wang asked Lu Rong as he walked in: “Are you working here?”
Lu Rong: “…”
Lu Rong put down his schoolbag and started doing homework in the waiting area of the barber shop. Lao Wang quickly got his hair washed and was seated in the hairstyling section.
The senior hairstylist touched his forehead, which was so wet that it looked like an egg: “Sir, your hair loss problem is very serious.”
Lao Wang: “In the past, my hair loss was really serious. It fell off in handfuls. Now it’s much better. I just got my hair washed in there and only a few hair fell out.”
From inside, Tony said angrily “F**k”: “The water pipe is blocked! Someone come and clear it!”
Lao Wang: “…”
Tony put his hands on his hips and yelled: “No, are you there?!”
The guys in the store were blow-drying customer’s hair, and those who weren’t, started running out to hand out flyers. Even the senior hairstylist pretended to be busy as he combed Lao Wang’s hair.
In the silence, Lu Rong’s calm quotation came from the waiting area: “Water pipe 50.”
Tony: “Come here.”
Lu Rong dropped the pen and paper and passed behind the senior hairstylist. Tension returned to the barber shop, ruining the lively atmosphere.
Senior Hairstylist: “Sir, you used to lose a lot, but now you lose less. That’s because your hair has been stripped off.”
Lao Wang: “…”
Senior Hairstylist: “What kind of hair care product does Sir usually use at home? What’s the shampoo brand?”
Lao Wang: “Soap.”
Senior Hairstylist: “Oh, this won’t work, Sir. Hair is like grass in spring, and your scalp is the soil where spring grass grows. If there is a problem with the soil, grass will not grow. Have you ever seen that land fertilized with soap can be turned into fertile farmland?”
Lao Wang: “…you f**king convinced me.”
Senior Hairstylist: “I’m going to give you a treatment plan. Please listen to it. It is recommended that you do scalp care first, clean the scalp pores, control oil secretion, restore the balance of water and oil, and restore the health and moisture of your scalp skin, and then gradually add the growth liquid that stimulates hair growth. In this way, the effect achieved will be very good, your head will be covered with fine hair in one month. Here are actual comparison pictures of customers in our store.”
The senior hairstylist called up the photos on his mobile phone, and Lao Wang was itching to see it.
Lao Wang was excited: “How much?”
Senior Hairstylist: “One course of treatment is 18,888.”
Lu Rong came back from the sewer and passed behind the Senior Hairstylist: “Shave it all.”
Lao Wang and Senior Hairstylist: “…”
Senior Hairstylist: “But the effect after one course of treatment is really…”
Lu Rong: “Don’t make me say it a second time.”
Senior Hairstylist: “Hey.”
After Lao Wang got his head shaved, Lu Rong took him to the checkout counter.
The checkout boy: “Hello, the washing and cutting with no hair blowing, the total is 52.”
Lu Rong took the flyer out of his pocket with ease, slowly tore off the 20% off coupon printed with dotted lines, and elegantly pushed it in front of the checkout boy.
The checkout guy: “…” He took out his computer and did the math, “41.6.”
Lu Rong: “The water pipe was 50, so pay me 8.4 yuan via WeChat.”
The checkout guy: “…”
After Lu Rong left, all the hair-washing boys in the barber shop put aside their intrigues and held an emergency meeting. In the meeting, they unanimously agreed to put Lu Rong on the list of banned customers for life.
This person could earn 8.4 yuan after getting hair washed in their store, this was terrifying.
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