Shen Yiyou was exhausted from swimming, his hands and feet were weak.
Whenever he slowed down, photos of Li Shu eating with the supermodel, the back of Li Shu in a suit, the way Li Shu was chatting with him not long ago, and the first time he and Li Shu had sex, all these images kept flashing in front of him, so he kept swimming forward.
He didn’t stop until he heard someone calling his name on the shore, then he slowly leaned against the edge of the pool, and looked up with his hands on his back.
Tao Jiu and Lu Yue were not far away, looking down at him with worried expressions.
Shen Yiyou climbed ashore with all his strength and walked to the lounge chair with soft legs and sat down. He was very cold and was shivering, so Tao Jiu threw a thick bath towel to him.
“Aren’t you trying too hard?” Lu Yue said, “Those who don’t know would think you were preparing for the World Championships.”
Shen Yiyou smiled, but did not speak, as he lay down wrapped in a bath towel.
Tao Jiu sat on the opposite chair, his face full of words he was hesitant to say.
Shen Yiyou looked at him for a while, but Tao Jiu didn’t speak, so Shen Yiyou simply called Tao Jiu’s name and asked him, “What’s the matter?”
“The pool is about to close,” Tao Jiu told him, “Everyone else left first, let’s go too.”
Shen Yiyou sat up, rested for a few minutes, then went downstairs with them.
Lu Yue and Tao Jiu may have discussed it privately and unified their opinions, so they tacitly bypassed Shen Yiyou’s emotional situation during the chat and talked about irrelevant topics all the way.
When they were about to reach the door of Shen Yiyou’s room, Lu Yue suddenly gave Shen Yiyou some meaningful advice: “Actually, Lillith also found true love after her divorce. The lawsuit has been going on for three years, and now it’s only been over for a month, and she has already met a new boyfriend who went with her to find a new apartment, which means that there is a high chance that love will come when you are most off guard.”
After listening to Lu Yue’s inspirational declaration, Shen Yiyou was not comforted at all, he only felt that his eyes were going dark. He tried his best to smile at Lu Yue in a friendly manner, said good night to them, and swiped his card to enter the room.
Sitting at the desk, Shen Yiyou turned on the computer and replied to a few work emails. Looking at the time, it was twelve o’clock.
He closed the computer and got ready to go to bed. He pressed his fingertips on the cold metal shell of the computer. After hesitating for a while, he turned the computer back on and entered Lilith’s name into the search engine.
Lu Yue wasn’t spreading fake news, the CEO really went to see the apartment with the supermodel.
This time, Li Shu had changed back to his usual outfit as he walked out of the high-end apartment building in tandem with the supermodel, followed by a stylishly dressed real estate manager and his secretary whom Shen Yiyou knew very well, Irene Felton.
Li Shu was tall but he had lowered his head, so the camera still failed to capture his face.
Other rumors were written under the text on the page: Someone said they met them at a jewelry counter picking out a ring, and they were about to get engaged today.
Shen Yiyou searched for a long time, but couldn’t find any photos, so he finally gave up the search and sat in his chair in a daze.
He thought that Li Shu didn’t really know anything about the world. But it turned out that when he got in a relationship with someone else, he knew how to buy rings and get married.
He probably just didn’t want to do it with him.
Not interested in seeing Shen Yiyou’s friends and family or talking about the future with Shen Yiyou.
Shen Yiyou had been silently angry with Li Shu many times, but the first time he wanted to break up was at the beginning of the year.
At that time, his parents had forced Shen Yiyou to go on a blind date with a young lady who seemed to them to be the right match for him. His father was furious when he refused and shoved him out the door.
Shen Yiyou walked out of the community, and after walking for a while, his hands were too cold to even hold the phone. He liked to look good, so he always wore very little clothes, and he couldn’t walk much on the streets of the capital in winter, but he didn’t want to make the call indoors, so he could only find a place with no wind and dial Li Shu’s number.
That week, Li Shu was on a business trip to Eastern Europe, and Shen Yiyou checked the Eastern European time before calling. It was seven o’clock in the evening there, so seeing this, he tentatively called him.
Li Shu picked it up, and Shen Yiyou asked him, “Are you working, or are you free to chat?”
Li Shu said reservedly that he was not at work, but he was not too free to chat.
Shen Yiyou pretended not to hear the second half of Li Shu’s words, and said to him, “I told my parents about our affairs and had a fight with them.”
There was a sound of typing on the keyboard from Li Shu’s end, and Shen Yiyou waited patiently for a while before hearing Li Shu say, “Don’t you have a bad relationship with your parents, why did you tell them?”
“Didn’t you say that you didn’t expect a fight before?” he asked again.
Shen Yiyou didn’t know how to answer Li Shu’s question, and after a short pause, he said, “I can’t keep hiding it forever.”
Li Shu didn’t speak, Shen Yiyou was silent for a while, then he couldn’t help but say, “I don’t want to keep being so sneaky with you, and I don’t want to be forced by them to see others.”
This time it was Li Shu’s turn to be quiet, then he asked Shen Yiyou, “What’s your definition of being sneaky?” Before Shen Yiyou could answer, he asked Shen Yiyou again, “Have you met anyone else?”
“No,” Shen Yiyou said, “but—”
“—Where are you now?” Li Shu suddenly interrupted him and asked something completely irrelevant, “Where are you now? I can pass by S city the day after tomorrow, and then leave after a night’s sleep.”
“I want to see you.” Li Shu said to him.
Shen Yiyou went quiet and hung up Li Shu’s call.
Li Shu called again, but Shen Yiyou didn’t answer, Li Shu sent some text messages expressing doubts, however Shen Yiyou didn’t reply, but they still met in the end.
Li Shu didn’t go to S City, he somehow found him in the capital, and knocked on the door of the hotel room opened by Shen Yiyou for not more than an hour. Shen Yiyou didn’t have the heart to call the front desk to chase him out, so he later let him in.
After they made love, Li Shu hugged Shen Yiyou from behind, hugging Shen Yiyou’s waist tightly, he stubbornly demanded from Shen Yiyou: “Don’t hang up my phone again.”
He reported to Shen Yiyou in detail his specific itinerary for the first month and a half of the first quarter of the second month and began to plan the time for their meeting like it was a part of his business discussion.
Shen Yiyou pulled his hand away and turned to look at him. Li Shu’s expression was so serious as he scheduled the time of their meetings to the minute as he asked Shen Yiyou, “Are you okay with this?”
For a few seconds, Shen Yiyou wanted to ask Li Shu, why can’t you be nice to me if you have time to see me.
But he felt that Li Shu wouldn’t be able to understand, so he didn’t ask.
Li Shu had a high degree of myopia, so he had come very close, and was quietly looking at Shen Yiyou’s face, as if he cared more about Shen Yiyou than anyone else.
Shen Yiyou looked at him for a while, then he couldn’t help but ask him, “What are you looking at?”
Li Shu kissed Shen Yiyou’s eyelids and the tip of his nose, and said, “Looking at you.”
Li Shu said, “I miss you very much.”
Shen Yiyou was easily deceived by Li Shu’s appearance, he was angry with Li Shu in his heart initially, but at this moment he forgave Li Shu from the bottom of his heart.
But fate was unpredictable, never favoring those who worked hard, instead leaving the best to random people.
Shen Yiyou felt bad. He hated himself for being capricious, hated himself for thinking about Li Shu all the time, hated himself for staring at Lu Yue’s profile picture, and even more he hated himself for searching for news about his ex-boyfriend on the Internet.
He hoped to compress all the emotions related to Li Shu into a very small ball, then tie a heavy object to it and throw it to the bottom of the lake.
But if his emotions could really be controlled, he wouldn’t be in such a bad condition.
Shen Yiyou took out his mobile phone, looked at the last text messages between him and Li Shu, and thought about the unrealistic things he shouldn’t actually do, such as calling Li Shu now.
Would Li Shu pick it up? If Shen Yiyou asked him who he was with, would he tell him?
Why was he seeing others so soon? Could he teach Shen Yiyou how to move on, and help Shen Yiyou to get out of this lovelorn funk quickly? Why was it, that Shen Yiyou’s three-year relationship was not as good as some others’ one week?
Shen Yiyou put the phone on the table, hugged his legs, buried his face between his knees and closed his eyes, thinking about what Li Shu said to him before breaking up.
“Don’t regret it,” Li Shu said.
Shen Yiyou’s spirit was divided into two distinct parts.
The first part clearly and sanely understood that remembering the past would only hurt him.
The other part couldn’t help thinking about Li Shu.
Shen Yiyou thought about Li Shu’s hands and his kiss, the way Li Shu smiled at him, the warmth of his hug, and the night scene in Li Shu’s glass high-rise office in San Francisco. From the day they met, Shen Yiyou thought of all the sweetest moments for a moment, and then he wanted to close his eyes and reach out to grab the void, as if this way he could grab the best of times.
When he was with Li Shu, Shen Yiyou was always mad at him, but when they broke up, he was heartbroken. It was equally unbearable to not dare to make a request as it was to be rejected, but it was even more painful to see Li Shu easily giving what he could not ask for to others.
Love was like a huge vortex, wrapped in white scum and foam, sucking Shen Yiyou’s whole heart into the center of the vortex, and grinding it away bit by bit.
Li Shu was intact, but Shen Yiyou’s heart and happiness were gone.
Shen Yiyou fell asleep while sitting on the chair in a trance. When he woke up from feeling cold, his arms and legs were sore. He staggered to the bed and lay down. He closed his eyes and went crazy, he suddenly wanted to take some Chinese medicine. Western medicine capsules could work as well as they could be equally as bitter and difficult to swallow, as long as they worked and helped him forget Li Shu and let him stop thinking about him.
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